


Helpful tips on how to write a fanfiction

by Reader_San



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-11 03:37:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13515792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reader_San/pseuds/Reader_San
Summary: There's actually nothing helpful at all in this, lol.I am just parodying most fanfics.Read it if you like.





	1. Ze introductions ;)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Every Sans x Reader Story Ever](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9187871) by [Vienamarie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vienamarie/pseuds/Vienamarie). 



You were walking, minding your own business when you bumped into a skeleton dude. Holy shit, when did your heart start racing?  
Well, he's the literal walking symbol of death, so that's that.  
"I-uh, sorry." You stammered out awkwardly.  
"don't worry." He stared at you for a long time before smiling widely.  
"i've gotta go, but i'll see ya around." And he straights up fucking DISAPPEARS!  
What the hell was that?!  
What did he mean by seeing you around?!  
Is he a stalker?!  
What the fuck is happening?!  
~*~  
Fuck, your way too fucking sober on a Friday night.  
You really need some booze.  
Oh hey, look at that!  
A convenient bar at this part of town!  
Just what you needed!  
Grillby's?  
Eh, whatever. A bar's a bar.  
You entered the bar and was met with monsters everywhere.  
They all where just minding their own business, which is weird.  
A random human in a monster populated bar.  
You could be a terrorist, but not a single head turned your direction.  
Except for the bartender.  
Who's made of fire.  
Lovely.  
Man, you would definitely freak out/start to hit on him, but that would be the wrong pairing, now wouldn't it?  
Oh lookie, it's skeleton guy!  
Let's sit right next to him because the seat next to him is magically unoccupied!  
You just stared openly at the fireman because holy shit.  
He's hawt.  
"you gonna order anything or...?" The skeleton man asked.  
Fuck, his voice is so deep and smooth and rich...  
You have a voice kink, goddammit!  
"Sure. But what is there?"  
"fries, burgers or both." Wow. The variety is amazing!  
"I dunno, fries?" You said, turning to the flames man.  
He just silently left.  
Rude.  
For the next minutes or so, you bond with the skeleton through puns.  
Because you LOOOOVE them! It's obligated!  
You can't dislike them. Impossible.  
What's a Sans X Reader fanfic without a pun loving couple?  
~*~  
When you got done eating your fries, you became shitfaced. But it's okay, the stranger skeleton is gonna take care of you.  
You can't fucking walk and you're alone with no friends to pick you up, what were you thinking?  
It's dangerous at night!  
"hey shouldn't you get home? i ain't letting a pretty gal like you drink anymore because alcohol poisoning and me wanting to be a gentleman even though i could literally care less." You nodded, giggling because you're an emotional mess as a drunk.  
"I need a ride home, you helping me?" He thought about it for a minute before nodding.  
"i need your address though." And you gave it to him because your parents have never teached you anything about stranger danger and such.  
Then he teleported you there because plot convenience.  
He literally went through the void and into a place he's never been.  
He has never seen the place, probably never heard of it or anything like that.  
Unless you're neighbors.  
Then that's a whole another story.  
"Woah! Was that teleportation?" You asked and proceeded to feel motion sickness. But never throwing up despite being intoxicated.  
Because you wouldn't want your precious soon-to-be husband that you're a disgusting piece of shit even though throwing up is a natural reaction.  
You're human after all.  
But a Reader insert can't have flaws like that!  
You can't be gross!  
The only flaws you can have is personality flaws!  
Not physical flaws!  
(Even though the personality flaws are not very noticable most of the time)

"hey, are you alright? you look a bit green." He said, chuckling.  
Because laughing at another person's unluck is great.  
Karma isn't gonna be a pain in the ass later.  
"I'm fine. Thanks for getting me here." Thank you stranger skeleton I don't even know the name of! You're just too kind!  
"Oh, shit, wait! What's your name?" He blinked. (How???)  
"sans." And your initial reaction is to say, 'like, the font?' but since when were names original?  
Just leave his name be, dude!  
So you decided not to be annoying and settled for giving him your name.  
"Reader."  
"i know." He said and disappeared into thin air again.  
Oh shite! Wait, what?! How the fUCK?!  
You're way too drunk for this.  
So you went inside of your one bedroom apartment and slept in your queen-size bed.  
Because you must have dem bed fit for a royalty like yourself.


	2. Meeting the others pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get invited over at Papyrus' for lunch!  
> You also run into Alphys and Undyne!

You woke up, feeling like death, and shuffled away to the kitchen in your pyjamas with a killer hangover.  
"I need coffee." If there's one thing every Reader insert fanfic needs is a coffee addicted Reader.  
You drank your coffee straight from the coffee thing, black as your soul.  
Oh wait.  
Huh?  
Your pocket is vibrating...  
Hey, a text message!

???  
-Knock knock

Instead of questioning yourself who this number could be and how they got it, you answered it with a "who's there?" Because why the fuck not?

???  
-dishes

Huh? You typed "dishes who?" As you sipped from your makeshift 3-liter coffee cup.

???  
-dishes a very bad joke

You nearly spit out your coffee at that. Fucking hILRARIOUS! He's a comedic GENIUS! 10/10! Would rate it again!

"As much as I appreciate your *EXPERTLY MADE JOKE*, I have no fucking idea who the hell you are. So, speak up." You messaged.

???  
-It's Sans from the other night.

Uhhh, who?

"Whom the fuck?" You typed. But then you deleted it because you suddenly remembered him!  
(((How fucking dare you forget your husband?!)))

"Oh, skeleton dude!" Now you remember. Maybe.

???  
-yep. Basically.

"How the hell did you get my number?"

???:  
-you gave it to me when you were drunk outta your mind.

Really? Eh, who cares? You have a feeling you'd meet anyways.

"Okay, whatever. I need to go to my totally real job that I never go into detail in fanfics, unless it's boring as fuck. Or it is working in a cafe. Always cafes."

???:  
-kay.

You put his name under his number and got ready.  
You need to get that cash somehow and you're a strong, independent woman!  
Because Reader inserts HAVE to be white females by automatic if their appearance isn't described. Plus they all have long hair.  
And curves. And appear very feminine.  
~*~  
Man, those hours of hard work sure felt long!  
Those jerks at work are so mean! You should probably report them to the boss, but nobody deserves that!  
Plus, you're too terrified.  
When you walked home from work, out bumped into yet another person.  
"WATCH OUT, HUMAN! I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO HURT YOURSELF!" A very tall and loud skeleton dude said.  
Oh shit, there's more skeletons?  
"Hello. I like pasta." The skeleton man you just met, gasped and squeezed the everliving shit out of you through a hug.  
"SO DO I! WOWIE, WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON! I'M INVITING YOU TO MY HUMBLE ABODE TOMORROW 2PM SHARP! BE THERE!" And then he just runs off.  
You.... Didn't even get his name...  
Or address for that matter.  
He's literally a stranger. Inviting people over he just met.  
Literally.  
Wonder if he's related to Sans...  
OH SHIT, IS THAT RACIST TO THINK SO?!?!

While you were having an internal freakout, you were walking into a park and saw a wild (((Pokemon))) yellow dinosaur thingie getting bitchslapped by a bunch of guys. You felt rage and justice surge inside of you for these people hurting a monster that you tapped on one of their shoulders and bitchslapped them! (((But not too hard since you're a weak piece of shit IRL LMAO)))  
Once they saw your glaring face(that couldn't scare a single living being even if you so wanted to;-;), they shit their pants and retreated!  
Immediately, you were at the stranger's side and acted as a therapist for the poor, traumatized monster.  
"What's your name, my child?" You asked with a soft smile. The monster looked at you weirdly with tears in their eyes, but shrugged it off.  
"A-A-A-A-A-A---" Your smile strained as you waited for the monster to just spit it out already!  
"Al-Alph-Alphys..." 'FUCKING FINALLY!' You thought but didn't actually say this because you're nicer than that.  
"I'm Reader, lover of all except for humans." Because fuck everyone you've ever met, even your family and friends, which you suspiciously never seem to have.  
Unless they're all assholes. (*Cue "Bring me to life" here*)  
"R-r-r-r-r-real-l-l-ly??? Y-yo-yo-y-y-y-you really d-d-d-d-do l-l-l-like monsters???" 'Oh, for fuck sake! Stop with the stuttering! It's not even stuttering at this point! You sound like a broken ass robot!'  
You mentally slapped yourself because, BAD READER! NO BEING A PIECE OF SHIT!  
"Yep. So, why were those assholes harassing you?" She sniffled, wiping away a single tear from her eye.  
"I-I w-was j-j-just m-m-minding m-my o-own b-business when, when, when---!" And then she bawled.  
"Uhhh... Can't you like, call somebody who can pick you up?" You asked, feeling awkward. One second you know exactly what to do, the next, you don't.  
"O-oh! Y-you're right!" She scrambled and took out her sUPER FUCKING HIGH TECH SUPER MOBILE THAT CAN MAKE JETPACKS AND SPEW LASERS AND---!  
Oh, shit. Reader doesn't know that yet! Ignore that.  
"Undyne! I was being ganged up when this SUPER FUCKING NICE HUMAN I'VE NEVER MET IN MY ENTIRE LIFE SAVED ME LIKE SOME KIND OF SUPER HERO FROM THOSE ANIMES AND I THINK THAT WE SHOULD INVITE THEM OVER FOR LUNCH BECAUSE I'M NOT TAKING SAFETY PRECAUTIONS AT ALL! BECAUSE I AM A MONSTER AND MONSTERS ARE UNCONDITIONALLY NICE AND TOTALLY TRUST EVERY SLIGHTLY NICE HUMAN TO CONTINUE BEING NICE AND NOT LIKE DUST US IN OUR SLEEP!" Holy shit, Alphys sure could be loud!  
You thought that she could only speak in broken robot language, but she can also speak in Papyrus! Cool!  
From her phone rang an equally as loud voice even though you were pretty sure she didn't put it on speaker.  
"HOLY SHIT BABE, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!?!2!?!1? I'M COMING OVER TO SUPPLEX THIS HUMAN INTO OBLIVION FOR SAVING YOU!" Standing there, listening onto these two screaming to each other over phone wasn't awkward at all.  
Nope.  
"YASSSS, GUUUURLLLL! COME OVER HERE YOU SEXY PIECE OF SUSHI SHIT!" And then she hung up. When she noticed that you had listened in, she flushed a brilliant red and squeaked.  
"O-oh! I'm sorry for that.... That was very, *VERY* Out Of Character for me..." She cleared her throat.  
"A-Anyways, m-m-m-my waifu sh-sh-sh-should be here any s-s-s-second." You raised an eyebrow, but widened your eyes in fear when you heard something rumble from a distance. You slowly turned around and was met with a running blue fish lady thingy who let out a warrior cry and majestically jumped over you and straight into her unsuspecting victim. That being Alphys.  
"BABE! Are you alright?" She blushed even darker and hid behind her hands as the blue shark woman held her bridal style and showered her in kisses.  
You would really not want to be anywhere NEAR her razorsharp pyrahna teeth.  
You kinda feel bad for the weird, two-faced Alphys monster.

"Of course I am, California roll. Because the human YOU JUST JUMPED OVER SAVED MEH!" She screamed, pointing at you. The barracuda girl's head turned to you so fast that you were sure that if she were human that she would've killed herself from the neck snapping. She grinned creepily at you and in a second was on you.  
"NGAAAAAAH! HUMAN! ACCEPT OUR APPRECIATION AND COME WITH US TO LUNCH AT 2 PM SHARP!" You'd rather not die by the hands of an overgrown tuna with knifes for teeth, so you agreed with a lot of forced enthusiasm.  
"GREAT! BYE, BITCH!" She stood up from having suplexed you into the ground and grabbed her fiance before running the fuck away.  
As you sat there, contemplating your life choices, one thing popped into mind.  
"I still don't have the fucking address."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most fics doesn't actually write Alphys Out Of Character, but I just did that because I found it funny. Maybe you could put in some cliches or overused tropes in Sans X Reader fanfics? Put it down below in the comment section and don't forget to hit subscribe!
> 
>  
> 
> (((Oh shit, wait, this ain't YouTube!)))


	3. Meeting the others pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get to meet Toriel and Frisk!  
> Plus you have an impromptu sleepover ;)))))

When you walked home from that... Weird event, you immediately sunk down on your couch and put on some Netflix. You just wanted to nap to the sound of your favorite series you've seen at least ten thousand times by now and never wake up.  
But then life decides to hate you and a text message appeared on your phone.

???:  
-HELLO! THIS IS THE GREAT PAPYRUS SPEAKING! OR WELL, WRITING, BUT YOU GET THE POINT! I REALIZED I NEVER GAVE YOU MY ADDRESS, BUT NOW THAT I REALIZED THAT AND NOT THE HECKING(I CANNOT CURSE BECAUSE I AM VERY CHILDISH, NAIVE, CINNAMON ROLL-Y AND STUPID!) DANGERS OF GIVING OUT MY ADDRESS TO STRANGERS, ESPECIALLY SINCE I'M A MONSTER, SO HERE IT IS!  
-Rainbow road 420 blazeit, Super Mario world.

Oh shit, how the hell did he manage to stay onto the fucking road???  
No less live there!  
Eh, whatever. Sure. You could go. It doesn't matter wether you feel like your feet and mental state is imploding, you have to go.  
It's almost like fate is forcing you....  
Or the Author. Because plot can't go anywhere otherwise.  
But wait a fucking minute...

"How the fuck did you get my number?"

???:  
-OH, THAT WAS EASY! I TEXTED AND CALLED EVERY NUMBER IN THE ENTIRE FRICKING WORLD CONSISTING OF 7 BILLION PEOPLE UNTIL I GOT TO YOURS!

What the fuck?  
How much free time is on this guy's hand?!  
Oh wait a minute....  
Does that mean that he's send everyone in the world his address?!?!  
...  
Naaaah! Author_San would never let that happen, right?  
R-right?((((>;3))))

???:  
ANYWAYS, 2 PM IS GETTING PRETTY SOON, SO YOU SHOULD GET GOING NOW! BAI!

You glanced at the clock and noticed that it was ten minutes left.  
hOLY FUCK!  
YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE!  
~*~  
After somehow picking out fashionable, but "comfortable" clothes, getting make up on, painting your nails, watching paint dry and watching your entire favorite series TWICE, you had 8 minutes to spare, so you ran in your high heels over to rainbow road.  
Oooooh! A wooden house with Christmas decor and snow on the roof despite it being in the middle in the summer caught your attention and you walked towards it, enchanted by it.  
You rang the doorbell once you noticed it being the correct address and got crushed to death by the door. Papyrus had accidentally swung the door open a bit too hard, making your skull shatter on impact, and killing you instantly.  
Game over! End of shitpost!  
....  
..  
.  
Naaaah! Papyrus would never kill you! Even on accident! Plus, that death was so lame! The Reader can't die before falling in love with Sans first!  
Okay, so let's rewrite this a bit.  
*Clears throat*

You rang the doorbell once you noticed it being the correct address.  
You heard quite a bit of commotion going on inside, but after a while, Papyrus did finally open the door.  
"Heyyy, Papyrus! Look, I got spaghetti!" You magically made spaghetti appear from thin air and handed it to him.  
"OH MY GOD, YOU MADE SPAGHETTI FOR ME??? THAT'S SO THOUGHTFUL OF YOU! I WISH THIS WAS A PAPYRUS X READER FIC, OR AT LEAST PAPYRUS/READER/SANS POLYAMORY THINGIE, BUT ALAS, YOUR HEART AND SOUL BELONGS TO SANS!" You looked up at Papyrus dumbly.  
"Uhhh, I didn't catch on to anything you said after the compliment, dude. I'm sorry, but I have a really bad case of obliviousness." You said, shrugging.  
"IT'S ALRIGHT! NOW, COME ON IN SO THAT YOU MAY EAT SOME DELICIOUS LUNCH PREPARED BY ME! MASTERCHEF PAPYRUS!" He let out a weird laughter that was honestly quite terrifying to you since he wouldn't stop and because he did the evil hand thing as he laughed.  
"alright, brudda. i think that's quite enough." Your saviour was none other than your destined lover! Surprise!  
"Oh, it's you, creepy skeleman." He shrugged, grinning like he always did.  
"I like anime." You said out loud for some weird ass reason.  
The skeletons looked at you weirdly, but you all tensed when you heard thumping from the living room.  
"WHO SAID THAT??!?!??" Oh shit! It's Miss Mackerel sharp-ie!  
"I smell an otaku..." Alphgal whispered with the creepiest perv/nerd snort/laugh thing you've ever heard.  
"READER DID!" Papyrus said, pointing at you. You narrowed your eyes at him.  
"Oh wait a minute... You're that same gal that saved my fiancee!" She got you into a headlock and squeezed the shit out of your head with her big ass muscles. She's probably even buffer than a regular male body builder!  
Imagine her running towards you now!  
"Let go of me! I'll fucking die!" She let out a weird, Undyne-esque laughter herself, before letting go of you. Some random child popped up out of nowhere and started to sign some weird ninja shit.  
What, the only ASL you've learned is from Naruto. Don't judge.  
"The fuck are they saying?" You just immediately knew that they preferred to be called a they and there would be NO way of Reader misgendering them.  
Not once. Because Tumblr exist and Reader loves it!  
Stay hip with the times, yo!  
"OH, THAT'S FRISK! AND THEY ARE ASKING FOR YOUR NAME! WHICH IS READER BY THE WAY!" Well thanks for answering for me, *CENSORED*...  
(No cursing at Cinnamon roll >:( )  
"Anyways, now that we've met each other, let's eat!" Papyrus and Salmon female went to the kitchen while Alphart, Friskey ;)))) and (the lazy, disgusting, depressed, apathetic piece of---) Sans stood by your side.  
"H-h-how come y-you don't q-q-question anything?" You shrugged once again. You can't get tired of shrugging! Same thing with Said!  
"You kinda get used to weird things by now."  
The three of you all walked into the kitchen where Undyne and Papyrus was.  
Surprise! A giant anthropomorphic goat is standing there as well, looking over their cooking.  
"Who the fuck...?" You asked. The lady looked down at you since she's gigantic.  
"Oh! You must be Reader! I'm Toriel, ex-queen of monsterkind. I've heard oh so much about you despite none of these people has had a conversation with you lasting 5 minutes. Yet, you've managed to do so much. Like saving the Royal scientist from, pardon my language, assholes on the street. You're very nice. I'm adopting you, bitch."  
The fuck?  
Okay......???  
The hell is a royalty doing here??? Should you bow???  
"Don't you fucking dare bow, my child. Or I'll roast you like a pig!" She said, cracking her knuckles. Okay, don't do that. Good to know.

Fast forward to the actual lunch, ("Your spaghetti is uh...... I wanna say shit, but my future Daddy is kinda glaring at me, so I'mma say it's the tastiest shit I've ever eaten. Mainly because I haven't tasted shit. So that's a plus on your side!"), you had some pleasant bonding time, but we need more Sansy boi action going on!  
"Sans!" You yelled, standing up from your seat in the kitchen.  
He looked up at you in question.  
"I just realized that you haven't made any bone related puns yet! That's a no go!" He gasped dramatically and clutched the front of his hoodie/jacket.  
"you're right. i guess i've gone.... °bone° dry." HAH. HAH. HAAAAAA!  
OHMAHGAWD THAT WAS THE °PUNNIEST° THING YOU'VE EVER HEARD!  
You completely died from laughter on the spot, laughing hysterically as you doubled over onto the floor with tears leaking out of your eyes.  
"*WHEEZE* T-that... *WHEEZE* was the greatest *WHEEEEEZE* thing I've ever heard!" And then you broke down again when you realized that you had also accidentally made a pun.  
The others, not including Sans and Toriel, were groaning passively and stared at you with disappointment. Nobody was helping you.  
Huh.  
What happened to monsters being the nicest creatures ever created?  
Anyways, Sans was looking at you with heart shaped eyelight thingies and a blue blush. hHMMMMMM. I WONDER WHAT THAT MEANS.  
HHMMMMMM...  
"y-you liked my pun that much?" You got up and nodded.  
"heh. °tibia° honest, i didn't think you would like it that much. but i guess i finally have found some °body° that's °punny° enough to like my °skele-ton° of jokes." Aaaaand you died from laughter again.  
Great.  
Now you legitimately couldn't breath and you were red in you face from lack of air. But who cares? If you fainted, there's a certain someone who could give you CPR ;))))))  
"G-guess I just thought that your puns tickled my funny °bone°!" You replied after like five straight minutes of trying to stop laughing.  
"Well, Sans IS a very °humerus° monster." Toriel added smugly.  
Now the two of you were dying.  
You both should really stop laughing. I don't even know what is happening with Papyrus, Frisk, Alphys and Undyne! Did they disappear? Are they just watching the two of you? What are they doing? The puns weren't even that good for fuck sake!  
You and Sans high fived after collecting yourselves.  
Wait, what? When was it implied that you two were seated next to each other???  
Oh wait, this is the main pairing.  
Gotcha.  
"Aaanyways, it's like, really late all of a sudden because we ate spaghetti for 8 hours. Soooooo, we can like, have a sleepover or something." Undini the spaghettini said.  
"Oh, but I just live around the block." Everyone was glaring at you.  
"I-I mean I'd love to have a giant sleepover with people from another species that I've just met." Sans give you a genuine smile because he *TOO EARLY* you!

How could you even manage to even say no with skeleman and his charming smile?  
"But I don't have any pyjamas or anything..." Everyone gasped dramatically, even Frisk, who was presumed mute or deaf or something. But Sans shrugged and turned a little blue.  
"you can have mine. we're closer to size and such and of course i have clothes that are clean other than the dirty ass clothes that i'm wearing right now!" You blushed as well and gave him a nod in appreciation.  
"Well, what are the two of you waiting for? GO CHANGE!" Undyne threw the two of you up the railing and straight into his room, making you land on the bed as a bottom ;))))))))))))))))))))  
"uuuuuuh...." He was entirely blue, looking more like a blueberry than a skeleton.  
"Are you secretly a Smurf or something, dude?" He sputtered and wheezed as he collapsed onto you.  
You easily threw him down to the floor since he's a goddamn skeleton.  
He doesn't weight much.  
(((Unless you would have some sexy times with him, then he's stronk as fucc!)))  
"Just give me the pyjamas already, ya weirdo!" You said, chuckling.  
He threw a white T-shirt that was WAAAAAY too big for you even though he's smaller than you.  
Like seriously, this tiny skeleman is short. Why would you want Bara!Sans? Why can't you people just appreciate him for how he is?  
You and your goddamn sick nasty fetishes...  
Anyways, you changed right then and there while he wasn't looking because it's too early for that and this is a slow burn fanfic if you can't tell already and your other clothes just...  
Disappeared.  
Huh. How convenient.  
"you done?" You didn't even have time to nod before he pushed you straight to bed.  
"welp, it's time for bed, so goodnight and sweet dreams." He said as he tucked you in on his own, dirty ass, disgusting, probably never washed sheets and bed.  
Your senses and emotions were overwhelmed by the amount of guilt you felt right now.  
"B-but, isn't this your room? I can't kick you out of your own room! So fucking, SLEEP WITH ME YOU SEXY PILE OF BONES!" He blooshed again and looked away.  
"it's too early, reader, but sleeping with you PLATONICALLY is something i can manage." He said, smiling softly.  
Then he dived straight into bed with you and completely ruined the job he had done earlier of tucking you in.  
"But wait! What about your brother?" He stood up and teleported away.  
He came back literally seconds later.  
"done. i've read the bedtime story for him." You nodded and glomped the poor skeleton, dragging him to the bed.  
"Shut up and sleep with me." He sighed but magically closed the door and turned off the lights.  
You snuggled close to him, wondering how in the fucking fuck could a skeleton produce heat? Like, where was it mentioned in the game?  
Because I can't find it.  
"Nighty night, Sansy boi!" And then you were out like a light.  
Since Sans was a creepy ass fucker, he kissed your forehead and hugged your waist, bringing your butt to grind against his pelvis ;)))))  
"night..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not trying to kinkshame anyone.  
> If you like Bara!Sans, Good for you!  
> ((I mean, I do too....))  
> But can we just appreciate smol skeleton man for once?  
> If any of you have suggestions just like last time, lemme know!  
> Or if there's anything you want me to add or change.  
> 


	4. Date night!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You find out you're soulmates with your one true love, Sans!  
> Also, you go on a date.

When you woke up, you really needed to take a piss.  
But Sans was kinda clinging onto you with a death grip (eyyyy!) In his sleep.  
"Sans, let the fuck go of me. I need to take a piss." He just grumbled in his sleep.  
"I promise I'll fuck you raw and hard in chapter 69 ;))))" And then suddenly, Sans' grip on you wasn't that hard.  
Creepy ass motherfucker...  
You sat up from your position in bed when this weird ass glow surrounded your entire chest area.  
"Oh shit, am I transforming into a magical girl?" You asked. But no.  
A cartoons heart that was emerald green popped out!  
"Wut."  
Sans suddenly woke up and stared at the weird heart with wide eyesockets and a blue bloosh over his entire skull.  
You kinda smacked the heart thing in an attempt to touch it and doubled over in pain.  
"oh, fuck, future mate! you alright?" You grunted in response. It seemed as if Sans had gotten too close to your heart thingie because all of a sudden a smaller, upside down heart that was white came out of nowhere. (Not blue. All monsters have white souls. Come on, at least read the fucking wiki page before writing anything about the game. Or, you know, PLAY IT. If it is a headcanon of yours or an aesthetic choice, STATE IT. Please. Hate is very common if you get facts wrong, so please stay safe and look both ways before crossing the road.)  
The two of you stared at the hearts dumbfounded when the white heart screamed "YOLO!" And rammed straight into your heart and came out, unscathed. Oh fuck, that hurt.  
"The hell was that?" You mumbled.  
"uhh... guess my soul found its soulmate???" A what?  
"Okay, first off, the hell is a soul? Second, what do you mean by soulmate?"

"first off, play the fucking game. you should know it by now. i ain't gonna explain something all of you already know by now. second, my soul is a horny bastard and has found the perfect soul to bang. guess this was °soulfate°." You smacked the fucker upside the head.  
"Stop it with the bad puns." He rubbed the spot you smacked with a pout.  
(In-game Sans has never had the permagrin down, has he? Not even for genocide. So why is he so expressive fanon?)  
"i thought you liked puns?" You narrowed your eyes.  
"Yeah, but the point has been made. No need for shitty ass puns." You said, crossing your arms. Your soul returned to its rightful place inside of your chest.  
The same thing happened with Sans' soul.  
"Now what?" You asked.  
"we're soulmates. meaning we have to date. come on, i'll take you on a date this friday at 1 PM. waddya say?" He suggested, winking.  
"Kay. This IS a self insert x canon character after all. I can't exactly say no even if I wanted to." You widened your eyes in true terror as you felt pain growing.  
"I MEAN, WOW I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, SANS-SENPAI! I WOULD LOVE TO DATE YOU! EVEN THOUGH I JUST FUCKING MET YOU."  
The pain stopped and you could finally breath out.  
"I mean seriously, we aren't even CLOSE to the friendship stage and we're already dating. Alright." You said, shrugging, feeling completely done with life.  
"so? soulmates=love, right? soulmates love each other and live a completely healthy love life until they die. that's what soulmates all about, right?" Nah, that's wrong, but the Author can't admit that!  
That'd ruin the fanfiction! They have to be helplessly in love and canoodle daily.  
Fluff is mandatory.  
~*~  
Oh hey! It's Friday! You could barely sit still, you were so excited! But also super stressed, because goddamn, you really wanted to impress the lazy piece of shit that was your very-soon-to-be boyfriend.  
So you put on your silk blue dress that looked like fucking starry night painting or something and your 10-inch high heels(hells), plus you caked the shit out of your face. Makeup is your jam!  
Because your self-confidence is shit and you feel like your value all depends on how you paint your face.  
(Bitch, you beautiful either way, there's no need for makeup! Trust me, hun. Unless you just like make up. Then, that's good too! Remember, anyone can have lipstick, not just women. Same thing goes with dresses.)

Creepy skeleman:  
-hey, i'm comin' over in a few. u ready?

Whoops, maybe you should change his contact name....  
Nahhhh....

"Yeah, I'm °pretty° much done." You texted back in response.

Literally seconds after you hit enter, a knock could be heard from your front door.  
You opened the door and outside stood Sans with the same clothes as he always has. I mean, he's a lazy fucker, you really think he gives a damn about appearance? He'd rather have a relationship were he isn't obligated to change.  
He just wants to be himself.  
He's depressed, apathetic, short, stocky, unmotivated, tired, probably asexual....  
But he's your mate, so only compliments are allowed!  
Anyways, he checks you out and smirks.  
"dame gurl, you went all out for me? i didn't say that we were going to prom or anything, so what's with the get up?" You shrugged.  
"I always have to try extra hard for you, my love." You murmured creepily.  
"right.... anyways, we're going to grillby's so i mean, if you don't want go get your dress dirtied up, you should probably change." You glared daggers at him.  
"After all of the hard work I put in, you're just gonna completely disregard that and tell me to change?!" He backed up.  
"okay, fine geez! it was just a suggestion! let's go, i guess..." As he was putting his hands into his pockets, he could feel a sharp jolt of pain in his soul.  
So he took out his hands and held you by the waist, leaning in close to you.  
"hold tight, babe." And, WHOOSH! You were at Grillby's.  
You're never gonna get used to that feeling.

"hey grillbz. two orders of whatever the lady wants!" He looked at you expectantly.  
"Uhhh.... Fries?" He looked disappointed in you.  
"seriously? the same shit as you chose last time?" Another jolt.  
"i-i mean, great suggestion, babe!" You stared at each other with love obvious in your eyes and eyesockets and talked for a bit over a nice meal.  
Then Sans completely ruined your food by drowning it in ketchup.  
You sniffled, looking completely distraught.  
"uhhh... ya want some nice cream?" He asked, feeling guilty.  
"M'kay." So then, you teleported to the beautiful park right outside of Grillby's because convenient.  
"two blueberry nicecreams, please." You glared at Sans.  
"Why can't I choose---"  
"because incoming fanservice." Oh. Okay, that makes sense.  
As soon as you got your nice cream, you sat on a bench and read the wrapping.  
"You look nice today!" You read out loud.  
"At least SOMEONE appreciates the effort I put into making me looking absolutely beautiful..." You grumbled.  
"Maybe I should just take the nice cream vendor out on a date..." As you grumbled about your misfortunes, you started to suck lewdly on the popsicle.  
sans choked on his and let it fall.  
His entire face was blue as he watched you intensely.  
You raised an eyebrow, but smirked internally as you got a mischievous idea.  
So you started to deepthroat the niceicle and trying to make it so lewdly as possible.  
When some dropped onto your HUGE HONKERBURGERS, you looked down and noticed something glow at Sans' side.  
Aaaaand he had a rave party inside of his pants.  
Just what you wanted.  
"Wait, do skeletons have dicks?" You asked because science.  
"well, no. it's really ignorant to think that monsters reproduce the same way humans do, and it would be much more believable if it had something to do with souls. but yEAH, THIS SKELETON GOTS SOME OF THAT MAGICAL GLOWING SCHLONG DONGADOODLE! i mean, if ya wanna ;))))" Yeah, no.  
"Oh hey, it seems as if we've been doing porn for about 8 hours, got anything else for this so called date?" You asked.  
He winked.  
"course, sweetheart." Overused nickname is overused.  
Oh well.  
And then WOOSHIE WOOSH, you were in the middle of nowhere with a picnic blanket and a telescope. You blinked, not sure what to make of this, but he pointed up.  
"HOLY SHIT, STARS! Here's an interesting fact, Snas. I'm human and I don't give a damn about stars. I've seen them a thousand times in like, movies and shit. Also, it's never mentioned if I'm in a city." He glared at you as the jolt of pain came over your soul. But you refused.  
"No, look here Sans. I really could care less. I know you're a monster and shit, but I. Don't. Car--- OMG IS THAT A SHOOTING STAR!?!?!" You asked, pointing excitedly at the sky, forgetting entirely about what you had wanted to say.  
He chuckled and stared at you warmly instead, because of course YOU were more important than STARS. The thing his kind had yearned for so long and even made replicas underground to wish upon.  
But who cares when you've got your soulmate here?  
(That doesn't even seem to like you all that much *COUGH* *COUGH*)

 

You just continue stare at the pretty lights in the sky, because you would not believe your eyes if ten million fireflies were actually the stars.  
I mean, I wouldn't either, but who cares?  
But then.... *Cue dramatic tension* the temperature dropped by -100°!  
So you were freezing your butt off while your lovely sugarskull was just staring right through you like the creep that he is.  
You had to literally slap him to make him notice that you were shaking and that your nose had an icicle hanging off it.  
"oh, do you want this jacket?" You nodded quickly.  
He shrugged it off and on your shoulders. Instantly, you warmed up despite logic and common sense would tell you otherwise but who cares?  
It's a fanfic.  
"Sans, I'm still freezing." You whined.  
"but you have my jacket." You narrowed your eyes at him.  
"fine. c'mere, babe." And then he hugged you.  
"oh, hey, i almost forgot, but i bought this for you!" You gasped and nearly cried.  
It was the (cheapest looking and ugly) most beautiful necklace you've ever seen with a real diamond shaped as a bone in the color of your soul!  
That's certainly not creepy at all. He helped you out it on and you hugged him again to show your gratitude and totally not contemplating about how much you can get out of him. Because you're gonna live a golddiggers life pretty soon, you think.  
You just sat there for a while before abruptly standing up.  
"Welp, that's the end of that date. Can you teleport me home now?" He looked relieved for some reason and WOOSH FUCKING WOOOOOOOOOOOO---  
*WOOSH machine broke.*  
You were at home.  
He was just about to go and teleport himself to his room, (probably to masturbate alone and cry for a bit) but you took his arm and dragged him into a hug. And then you gave him a big ol' SMOOCH!  
"G'night, Sansy wansy~!" You purred. He blueshed and stammered for a bit before he poofed away.  
You were running around your home, giggling and relishing the afterglow of your perfect first date of your skeleton lover.  
And then you faceplanted into your bed, snoring loudly because you were too tired to bother with changing and wiping off the makeup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, they don't seem to like one another? Let's fix that with a CONTROLLED C H O C K .
> 
> Am I the only one who imagines the undertale cast as amateur actors for a really bad romance movie based on a shitty fanfic and then they don't really give a damn about taking it seriously because it's just horrible.  
> But the pay is good, so they can't exactly complain.  
> I'm sorry if this chapter seemed really rushed, I had a small writers block and almost no ounce of motivation because school ;((((  
> Anyways, did I do good?  
> Comments and feedback is really appreciated!


	5. Uh oh. Pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You move in with Snazzy!  
> And have an obligatory girls night with ze girls ;)

When you woke up, you could feel Sans spooning you and mumbling something in his sleep. You giggled, because he's just so KAWAII DESU NYA~!  
Then your face fell when you remembered that the short fucker is not supposed to be in your bed.  
"Wake up!" You knew he was creepy, but having him literally break into your home and sleep with you because he was abusing his powers of teleportation was unacceptable.  
"wut?" He mumbled sleepily. His eyesockets were half open.  
"You're not supposed to be here!" You hissed.  
"well, i do have to look after you, sweetheart. anything could happen after all." And he did his creepy chuckle.  
Is he underfell or undertale? At this point, you couldn't differentiate between the two.  
Whatever.  
"I'm gonna go drink some coffee, you want anything?" He looked at you in confusion.  
"What? Don't look at me like that. We're dating now and you're here, so I might as well treat you as a guest." He shrugged and got out of bed at the same time as you went out of the bedroom and downstairs into the kitchen.  
In short, you made some black coffee for yourself and some for Sans.  
"What do you want in yours?" You asked, yawning.  
"i take it black." Yeah, you could tell by the bags beneath his eyesockets.  
As you were doing your coffees, Sans spoke up.  
"hey, i have a proposal to make." You looked at him, wondering what he had to say.  
"since this fic is centered around our relationship, how about you move into our house? i mean, we have this convenient third bedroom even though that was really unnecessary of us to do. well, it was in the beginning, but now we've got use for it." You raised an eyebrow at him.  
"So you want me to move in because you want me to use your spare room?" He nodded.  
"and no rent will be charge---"  
"Deal!"  
~*~  
And that's how you moved in with the skelebros.  
Right now, you're shopping at the local grocery store because apparently Papyrus doesn't know that there's other meals besides spaghetti.  
((Which is not true, but whatevs.))  
You were picking up some of the basic stuff like bread and stuff when you heard a lady yell.  
You looked behind you and saw to your anger a lady with her kid, yelling at your Sansy.  
"Uh, excuse me, but the hell is happening here?" You asked, trying to maintain your calm. You didn't know exactly what's going anyways.  
Jumping to conclusions is bad.  
"This MONSTER pushed my son to the ground!" The woman spat out, holding her son protectively. Aaand she's racist.  
"No! All monsters and humans are equal or whatever. Well, humans are shitty creatures while monsters are saints ((again, not true)) and you should take time to reflect over your behavior! Go to your room!" She pouted, but took her son out of the store and never came back.  
All around you, cheers or such erupted, which makes no sense since this normally doesn't happen when racism gets confronted. And even then, you completely ignored her statement and immediately thought of her as a racist for even looking at Sans wrong. What if he really had pushed the kid down? Or what if it was just a misunderstanding?  
Oh well, she's racist and that's all that matters.  
Sans looked awestruck and wOOOOOOOOSHED you out of the store, with the cart and all. Isn't that technically stealing?  
Who cares, really?  
Apparently he had teleported you to his room and straight into his bed.  
"The hell?" He was cuddling you???  
And purring?????????  
The hell is he, some kinda cat?  
"mine." Nope, that's it.  
You wanted to leave his grip, but he be stronk as all hecc.  
"love me back." You sighed and gave him a kiss on the cheekbone, feeling completely awkward doing it.  
"Sans, why are we dating? I mean, I get that we're soulmates and all, but I don't think we're harbouring any kinds of feelings for one anothe---" you hissed as you doubled over in pain.  
"THERE WILL BE N O TOLERANCE FOR DISLIKES. YOU L O V E EACH OTHER." A strange voice boomed. You and Sans got scared shitless by it.  
"come on, don't talk back, you know what's gonna happen." You sighed sadly and gave him a weak smile.  
"I guess..." As the two of you sat there in silence, the air turned awkward as neither of you said anything.  
"when's the next thing gonna happe---" A loud noise startled the both of you.  
"the hell was that?" You shrugged but got up.  
"I'm gonna go investigate it." He looked like he was gonna protest, but thought better of it.  
"yeah.... you go do that... my health is too low to make stupid risks anyways." You glared at him.  
"Wow, what a great way to dump your girlfriend. Just make her face the danger, you know." As you continued to grumble, you opened the front door.  
You let out a loud shriek as you got snatched and thrown into a car.  
"Yoink! Bye skelebitch!" Your kidnapper said and drove away with you.  
Sans stared through the window of his bedroom, face completely blank.  
"eh, i'll go after her tomorrow."  
~*~  
When you were thrown into a couch, two people stood before you.  
"Oh! It's you, salmon lady and robo-dinosaur." What the hell were they doing anyways? Kidnapping you like that.  
"Yeah, no shit. Do you know why you're here?" You shook your head.  
"Because OBLIGATORY GIRLS NIGHT! What were you doing with Sans in his bedroom anyways? Hmmm?" ....  
Since when could this fishy gal and lizard thing have IRL Lenny faces?  
"I.... Don't actually know??? I was saving his bony ass and then he WOOSHED us over there??? For no reason??? Oh, and my cart is still there." Just thinking about the shopping cart in the middle of his disaster zone of a room made you snort.  
"A-Anyways, w-w-what a-a-anime d-did y-y-you w-w-wanna w-w-watch?" You shrugged, getting a poker face on.  
"I like Kill La Kill." By the looks on their faces, they've never even heard of it.  
"Or, we could just watch something you're familiar with." Both of their faces lit up at that.  
"Y-you're r-right! Undyne, get the you-know-what." Underyne grinned evilly.  
The hell was happening?  
"Ouch, the hell?!" Something crashed at the back of your head.  
And then multiple things did.  
"Hey, stop that!" You looked down and saw multiple DVD cases.  
"Mew mew kissy cutie?" What is this, some sort of Tokyo mew mew rip off?  
"OMG, I FUCKING LOOOOOOOOVE MEW MEW KISSY CUTIE! THE MAIN HERO MAKES ALL OF THESE OTHER NEKO FRIENDS SO THAT THEY CAN DEFEAT THE EVIL, SNAIL-HATING VILLIAN, MR.---" Shrimpy shemale slapped her to silence.  
She blinked in shock and turned to Ungodly sheepishly.  
"D-did I g-go o-of a t-t-tangent a-again?" Both you and Undyne nodded.  
"ANYWAYS, ENOUGH ABOUT ANIME!" Undyne roared as she suplexed you into the couch.  
"Tell me, do you like Sans?" You blushed, nodding.  
"I mean, I AM his soulmate after all." Undying looked like a dead fish with how shocked she looked.  
"Wait, WHAT?!?!?!" Undead fish and Alphyne started squealing like (piglets) fangirls and gushed about how their ship was sailing.  
You got a headache from their fangirling, so you went to the kitchen to look for some booze.  
When you brought out the alcohol that you found, everything went to shit.  
You played 'never have I ever' alongside of watching the shitty anime, competed on how much alcohol you could take, vomiting, and generally just being very drunk. Both of the monsters were knocked out when you heard a doorbell ring.  
"Iz zat ze bizza delveri?" You drunkenly asked yourself as you stumbled to open up the door.  
"Yoink!" A gruff, deep voice said and kidnapped you.  
Through your blurry eyes, you could tell that this was an actual kidnapping.  
"Huh." You said and vomited again before passing out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all so patient, I don't deserve any of you ;-;  
> I love y'all!  
> And thanks for like 200+ hits! It really means a lot to me.  
> This chapter was shit, but I had to upload something to keep y'all from waiting too long.


	6. Uh oh. Pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You got kidnapped!  
> Will Sans save you?

When you came to, you had a pounding headache and felt pain in your arms.  
It seemed as if you're sitting down. You looked down and saw that you were tied to a chair. In a basement. With no windows. Lovely.  
"Ey, the bitch is awake." You glared at the mysterious figure behind the metal door, the figure peeking through an opening at the top of it.  
"Who are you and here am I?" You asked cautiously as you continued to glare at him.  
"Heh. You're kidnapped, sweetheart. I ain't obligated to tell ya shit!" The figure said, cackling maniacally.  
"And why exactly am I kidnapped?" You asked, raising an eyebrow.  
"You're a monster lover, that's why!" What? That makes no sense.  
"Really? Not for money, not to set an example or anything?" They shrugged.  
"Hey, it ain't me who's writing this story. Anyways, you'll be tortured here for DAYS!" And then they laughed like some cheesy villain.  
You sweat dropped.  
"Then, give me your worst."  
~*~  
"Seems like you're tougher than you look like. Literal slashes to your skin isn't doing anything..." You smirked.  
"Bitch, I'm an invincible Reader!" He grinned evilly back.  
"Guess we have to bring out our ultimate torture weapon..." Your eyes widened in fear once the figure stepped into your room with two other men, holding the scariest thing you've ever seen in real life.  
"No,no,no,no PLEASE DON'T DO THIS! I HAVE A WIFE AND THREE KIDS! THAT'S WAY TOO EXTREME!" But the figure, who was some sort of overgrown turtle with spikes on the shell and flawless red hair, only laughed at your misery.  
"Tell us where the ambassador and the royalty is at." You stubbornly shook your head.  
"Alright then. You asked for our worst. We are gonna give you our worst."  
"No, no, no, no, nO, NOOHOOHOOOO, STAAAAAAHP! I HATE YOUUUUUUAHAAHHHHHAHHHAHAHAHAH!" You screamed as they tickled your feet with feathers.  
"TELL US! WHERE. IS. THE. ROYALTY?" This weird spiky turtle thing asked.  
"Bitch, I ain't no snitch!" Hey, that rhymed!  
"Hey, that rhyme--- DON'T DISTRACT ME, HUMAN! GIVE ME THE LOCATION OR IT WON'T BE PRETTY!" What won't be pretty??? English, please!

"Nahhhh.... How about you tell me the location of this place?" The tortoise thought about it for a minute before shrugging.  
"Sure, it's not like you can relay that message through a magic soulbond or anything. We're at Bowser's castle 666, Super Mario world." You grinned evilly as you looked up at him in cocky victory.  
"What are you smiling about?" You chuckled.  
"You'll just have to wait and see."  
~*~  
Why isn't Reader at Undyne's? I thought she was gonna drink herself to death together with the other girls?  
I went back home in deep thought. Where else could she be at?  
All of a sudden, a loud ass, annoying voice bounced in my soul.  
"The location for your Soulmate is in Bowser's castle 666, Super Mario World. Do you want the directions to get there?" I shrugged.  
"eh, sure. i kinda need to find her because i am other half or something..." I muttered and teleported around, following the directions of my Soul.  
~*~  
After having an awkward staring contest with this fire-breathing lizard with a shell and with his human subordinates that didn't know exactly what to do so they weren't even mentioned, a noise could be heard from the outside.  
You both looked to the door just as Sans banged it open instead of just teleporting in like a normal magical skeleton.  
"babe! i've been looking for you for like, 10 years!" ???  
You looked at the miniature dragon with an edgy appearance in question.  
"Dude, it's been like, a day. Why are you overdoing it?" Sans' answer to that was a poker face.  
"because this useless soulbond GPS led me to the wrong castle first! look, i just want my princess and leave. i don't want to have to give you a BAD TIME." Almost on instinct, his eyelights disappeared and a blue flame thingy appeared at the threat. He touched his face and his expression fell.  
"i'm doing the 'bad time' thing again, aren't i?" You and the snake with limbs nodded.  
He sighed.  
"how did you find her anyways? and why are you targeting her excatly?" Sans asked, appearing very confused.  
"Your brother texted everyone in the whole entire world his address. It was too good of an oppuntunity to leave it be. Also, she's the main character in this godforsaken fanfic." You both nodded in agreement.  
"eh true." But then his expression hardened and his eyeflame flickered wildly.  
"well, if you aren't gonna hand her over willingly, imma have to do it by force then." You didn't even have time to blink as the hot reptilian villain;))))) got slung against the wall by an invisible force.  
He then grabbed you bridal style and woOOOOOOOSHed to your shared home, specifically his room.  
As soon as he let you down onto his bed, did the waterworks start.  
"Sans! I was so scared! Please fuck me!" He blinked.  
"but... didn't you say chapter 69?" He was always the thoughtful one, wasn't he?  
"No, I meant chapter now ;))))))" both of you smirked and turned to the Reader's.  
"You'll have to wait until the next chapter for some steamy smut, but you can wait, can't you?" You blew a kiss and giggled.  
Sans hugged you close.  
"i finally get to let loose and have fun for once, if you know what i mean ;))))"  
"Of course I do~! Alright, I won't make you suffer more than you have to lovelies, so consider this the cliffhanger of this chapter ;)" both you and Sans waved goodbye.  
"now, where were we~?" Sans purred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm not dead!  
> I've decided to not update everyday because that has been stressing the hell outta me, so you can expect me to update at least 1-2 times a week.  
> Next chapter is gonna have some sexual elements/themes and some genitalia thingies (basically what I'm saying next chapter is smut), so if you do not like/ uncomfortable with it, do not worry! It has nothing to do with the plot! Stay safe and don't drink and drive.  
> Peace out.


	7. The bone zone ;))))))

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You fuck.  
> That is all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI, I'M NOT DEAD! I'M SORRY IT'S BEEN SO LONG! I'M GOING TO MOVE IN TWO WEEKS, I'VE HAD WORK AND STILL HAVE WORK, I HAVE HOMEWORK TO DO AND I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO REDEEM MYSELF ;-;  
> I'M SORRY!  
> BTW, this chapter contains (really bad) smut, so if you're uncomfortable with that, it's completely skippable!  
> Stay safe!

"now, where were we~?" Sans purred. You head-butted his forehead and stared lovingly into his black holes for eyes.  
"Oh, I think I may know just how to remind you~!" You giggled, head-butting him again.  
"REMEMBER!" You screeched. Yeesh, calm down, woman!  
You apologized and went down to his shorts.  
It was completely unbothered.  
"Sans. You're supposed to summon your dick." You deadpanned as you looked up at him. He snapped his fingers in realization.  
"shoot, i knew that i was forgetting something!" And then POOF! A glowing bulge formed in his shorts.  
"Sweet!" And just like magic, his pants disappeared and you could take in the full glory of his 10-inch, blue, glowing, ghostly ectoplasm, lightsaber dick.  
It was so girthy too! You could barely hold the goddamned thing!  
Let's put the entire thing in your mouth anyways because you're a thirsty bitch for dat dicc.  
"oh yeah, that's the stuff... aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh... moaning sounds...." You nearly choked on his dick.  
"Did you just say moaning sounds out loud??? Dude, what?" You asked, suppressing laughter.  
You could both feel jolts of pain through your souls.  
"Come on, be serious." He just winked.  
"ok, i think it's time for me to pleasure you since i can't cum right now for whatever reason." He said as he inserted his phalanges right up your vagina.  
"I feel so much pleasure right now, you have no idea." You said, moaning halfheartedly.  
"Actually, that shit hurts. I'm not nearly wet enough." He stared at you with a mischievous glint in his eyesockets.  
"Saaaans... What are you---" your sentence got cut short by him taking out his digits and forcing them into your mouth.  
You choked on them and he took them out.  
"now they're wet." You really wanted to slap him.  
Instead, you were forced to act as if you were turned on by that.  
"Oh yes! That was so hot, daddy." He was in the process of inserting his phalanges into your pussy again when you said that.  
"......the hell did you call me?"   
"Daddy....?" He smirked.  
"call me that from now on, babygirl." Oh God no, not the nicknames!  
"Will do..... Daddy." You choked out with a lot of reluctance.  
He really liked to see you suffer, huh? Did he get off to being a fucking sadist?  
....  
Apparently he did.  
"why don't you give daddy a big ol' kiss on the cock? you know you want to~!" No, you really didn't.  
He saw your hesitance and granted you mercy.  
Instead, he licked and bit everywhere he could.  
Did you know that the lazy skeleton from that one game is a possessive freak that really likes to show off his territory by marking his mate with bite marks?  
Yeah, apparently that's a thing.  
"Fuck, daddy! That hurt!" You cried out as he chomped down on your neck.  
"And stop teasing me! Just give me that 12 inch light saber already!" You whined.  
He rolled his eyelights, but inserted it into you.  
"Holy fuck! Moan!" He growled possessively.  
"goddamn, you're tighter than leggings, babygirl!" All of a sudden, he stopped and his eyesocket shined blue again.  
"how about we make things more interesting~?" The hell?  
"What the fuck?" You mumbled as blue tendrils came out of nowhere.  
"i was secretly a tentacle monster this entire time, prepare to get butt fucked by magical glowing tentacles."  
"Now that's just tenta-cruel." He struggled to not laugh as he held you down with the tentacles.  
It slithered everywhere, and were all over you.  
Some went inside of your mouth, some inside of your vagene and some inside of your anus.  
You choked out a sound and he put away the tentacles inside of your mouth for now.  
"Moaaaaan!"  
"moan? moan, moan." You rolled your eyes.  
"Moan. Moan moan moan."  
"groan." He said and winked.  
"Did you just say groan?" He shrugged.  
"okay, I think that's enough foreplay. let's fuck." You licked your lips lewdly at the sight of his glorious ding dong mcdork.  
He inserted it once again and you both started moaning loudly.  
"Fucking, moan!"  
And then he chomped down on your neck again, drawing a shit ton of blood.  
Apparently you thought that was hot and not concerning that he might've damaged something fatal and shot out your fluids like Spiderman's webs all over his pelvis and bed.  
And seconds after that, he shot out his cream inside of you, which was blue.  
Blue cream.  
Like that nice cream you ate.  
Huh.  
"Holy shit, that was the greatest sex I've ever had. All of my other partners were all assholes. They cummed like, 5 seconds into the foreplay and just died. Like, rude! I want to finish off as well!" He stared you dead in the eyes.  
"i'm never gonna be like those asshats, don't worry." And then you both got knocked out because WHOOO, SEX IS EXHAUSTING!  
So now, you were sleeping in his arms, feeling protected because this naked 1 hp skeleton wouldn't waste a second to save your sorry ass.  
Or would he >;3


End file.
